How to L4D

Posted by AltBlogger on Jan 13, 2009 in Gaming |

A complete comprehensive guide on how to not suck at zombie videogames.

• If you’re in a tight spot, and you’re in front, please crouch. If you’re leading the conga line, and someone shoots you in the head, it’s your own damn fault.

• Always close the doors behind you. Just like in real life, doors are the most effective weapon against zombies. This strategy only applies to the last person to go through said door. Don’t close the door on people you sumbitch! You know who you are.

• Once you enter the safe room, or any area of close proximity, please don’t throw a moltov. Why would you do that? Why?

• When throwing a pipe bomb, let your team know. You’re not the only one with that bright idea, and there’s no need for 3 people to throw a pipe bomb at the same time.

• If someone’s thrown a pipe bomb, don’t start shooting their zombies. That’s fucked up, guy.

• Don’t pick up the Hunting Rifle. You’ll look like an asshole and we’ll all laugh at you.

• If you decide to rush and your team isn’t, you’re the asshole, not us. You deserve to get your tits ripped off by a hunter.

• Sometimes, if you’re playing with a really horrible teammate, it’s okay to kill them. Honestly, it’s for the best. Play it off like an accident, but the rest of us will understand and thank you later when he’s not around.

• If you made it to the safe room, don’t fucking leave. Look, you won. Those that are out there dying are the losers. Help your fellow man, but once the safe room is in sight, all bets are off.

• When you get downed, let a brother know. “hephephephep” is probably the most effective way to get a teammates attention, but don’t call my mother a cum guzzling whore because then I won’t want to help you.

• When you see a witch, leave her alone. She will fuck your shit up, and we will let her. Natural Selection is a bitch.

• I’m sure you think it’s really funny to close the safe room door on someone over and over again, but it’s not. I could have died. Not cool.

• There’s no point in healing up in the safe room for more point. It doesn’t work like that. The use of health packs are averaged in, it’s just a waste of time.

These are just a few ways to make your stay in zombie hell a little more enjoyable. And always remember, if you pick Francis you’re probably a fag.