I’ve always wanted a monkey

Posted by AltBlogger on Dec 6, 2008 in Lifestyle |

I’m not sure why.

I don’t even know anyone who has one, so where would the idea come from? It doesn’t seem like a particularly good one, when I stop to think about it. They throw their own shit, they bite people (maybe even me), and they probably shed.

I fucking hate getting dog or cat hair on my clothes when I’m at a friend’s house. Monkey hair would probably be worse, what with all the shit on it.

Plus monkeys steal newborns and smother them, and they’ll steal your cigarettes if you leave them out. At least I think they do, I read about it on the Internet so that’s probably true.

Smokes are expensive, so that’s a pretty big negative in my mind.

Monkeys are also known doing rude stuff at inappropriate times, and that’s my job. I don’t want some uneducated monkey taking my job.

That’s probably the most racist thing posted on this blog yet, but it really wasn’t if you take it in the context of the larger point being made.

Or you could just laugh and say “DAT MONKEY TUK YER JAWB!!!”

Hah, monkeys are funny. I should totally get one.